Tom doesn’t walk at work, he swaggers. He doesn’t talk, he commands. He believes he is ‘leading’ and when his staff head for the exit, he tells himself that they just don’t have the guts to handle the pressure. But he has an ulcer and he can’t sleep. He’s even been having nightmares about being trapped. Deep, deep down, he’s afraid he’s really a little man after all.
It hurts to admit we are vulnerable.
For many of us, being vulnerable has come to mean that we view ourselves as weak, helpless and open to attack by others or by whatever life throws at us. Our culture, society and business worlds demand that we are strong, show that ‘stiff upper lip’ and ‘man up’. To be vulnerable at work is seen as career suicide.
As a result, we hide our fears and cover up our weak spots. We keep a tight lid on our fears, pain and emotions. After all, we don’t want to be seen as failures, do we? The problem is that, in doing so, we cover up and lose touch with our feelings. This, in turn, shields our hearts and separates us from our connection with humanity.
There is beauty in vulnerability and value in exploring so-called weaknesses. By exploring our ‘dark’ side, we can turn our fears and vulnerabilities into strengths. To paraphrase author Matthew Fox, “Our demons aren’t in the way; they are the way!”
Imagine the worst thing that can happen and explore your fears. For most managers and leaders, this cannot be done in the open so it is often helpful to work with a coach. By creating a safe space, the coach can help you face what it is you believe you are defending yourself against, and then help you understand it, accept it and let go of self-limiting meanings before co-creating new, powerful positive meanings and driving them into concrete behaviours.
This is a journey that can be challenging, but it’s only by facing these vulnerable places—not covering them up or running from them—that allow you to come out the other side.
So, being vulnerable is actually empowerment!
Even in the cut-throat world of business, being open to one’s own vulnerability is changing. Words such as “humility” and “gratitude” and “forgiveness” are being used more frequently. They are words that show a cultural shift towards accepting all human traits, negative and positive, strong and weak.
Being a student of life means being vulnerable—open to life, to learning, to experiences, to yourself and to emotions. Most of all, it means being willing to accept things as they are.
Being vulnerable comes easier to some than others. To get started on the journey:
- Be honest with yourself.
- Look for deeper reasons or motives for your own behaviour.
- Take responsibility for your behaviour.
- Be willing to listen to honest feedback.
- Accept the fact that you have emotions, and find words to talk about it.
- Let go of guilt and resentment. The past is past. Make amends if needed.
- Accept that you make mistakes. It’s part of being human.
Most of all, take a risk by letting someone you trust know your weak places.
If there’s no-one suitable around – get a coach!
