There is hardly any thought that will stop people from self-actualising more than the idea that “The most important thing in life is being comfortable.”
Perhaps we learned it as children when our parents warned us to watch what we say around Aunt Sally or Uncle Bob because “It will make them uncomfortable.” So we come out of childhood with a fear of making anyone uncomfortable, constantly asking ourselves. “What if they get upset?”
If you want to be a comforting leader, boss or manager, here’s a simple formula:
- Constantly worry about whether your responses and interventions will make someone uncomfortable.
- Make it your goal to never disturb or upset someone.
- Always second-guess how your staff will respond and then
- Take responsibility for their emotional responses.
Do this and you will have nice, safe little chats and you will also feel safe and comfortable. The problem is that you will be highly ineffective and won’t be able to facilitate the unleashing of their true potential.
By making comfort one of your primary values in life, you put an incredible limitation on your possibilities. Taking the path of least resistance dooms you to a life of mediocrity at best. By doing so, you will not push against the constraints of society and environments or the inner restraints of beliefs, habits, and experiences that is required in order to push yourself and them beyond current skill levels. Effectively, you will deny yourself and them the freedom to stretch beyond current competencies and with it the ability to learn, to develop, and to tap into the depths of potentials.
By contrast, coaching (and particularly meta-coaching) is all about pushing beyond one’s current limits. It’s about setting out on an ambitious project of stretching beyond that comfort zone. To sign up for meta-coaching is to sign up for “a personal potential trainer”— a catalyst who will intentionally facilitate states of discomfort in you! It is signing up to be pushed forward as the coach holds the crucible space that makes the dis-comfort acceptable.
This kind of coaching operates from the realisation that life is not about obtaining perpetual comfort, it is about unleashing possibilities. It is about becoming everything one can become. It is about scaling the heights of potentials, not staying at base camp whining that climbing the mountain makes one feel uncomfortable. Those who want to stay at base camp because it’s uncomfortable climbing the mountain will never reach or view from the peak. To reach the peak requires experiencing the “discomfort” of effort and struggle. What some might call “uncomfortable” others who stretch to the peak call “the fun of getting there.”
If you as a potential coaching client want a pseudo mum or dad to take care of you, to make you feel at ease then you’ll swiftly be referred to a therapist. That’s what therapy is about— re-parenting someone who needs to be loved and nurtured back to health after having suffered some trauma. Unlike the therapist, a Coach doesn’t use the dependency and neediness of the client.
So, just take a second to ask yourself:
Have you worshipped “comfort” as your god? Do you still do it?
Are you ready to give up that small god and fully accept the reality of human life as one that entails discomfort and that “being uncomfortable” is just part of the price of excellence?
How about putting “Disturber of the Peace” on your business card?
Co-authored by Danny Tuckwood and L. Michael Hall
