Posted by Andrew Bryant, CSP and Meta-Coach
Recently I presented a workshop on success principles and what was interesting was that many of the participants struggled with the concept that they did not need permission from anyone to feel good about themselves or to be successful. One lady that I coached in front of the group was struggling with receiving money for the services she offered even though ‘intellectually’ she recognised the value she offered but ‘emotionally’ she felt she did not have permission to be paid.
“Just do it” is the Nike creed; “build it and they will come” says the Kevin Costner character in Field of Dreams. Whilst these maxims may seem selfish or gung-ho, they do reveal the power of self-belief and intentionality. When we believe in ourselves and set an intention to do something, we become an ‘attractor’ and draw to ourselves the people and resources we need to complete the project.
Will it be easy? Unlikely, nothing worthwhile is usually easy. Will it be rewarding and satisfying? Absolutely!
What will certainly stop you in your tracks is the lack permission or the opposite of permission – a taboo. There are external permissions that are imposed on us by our governments, such as you do not have permission to exceed the speed limit; you can but if caught you will be fined or even jailed. Most permissions and taboos, however, are frames of mind – unconsciously adopted from our families’ teachers and culture.
- Do you have permission to take risks?
- Do you have permission to speak your mind?
- Do you have permission to say “No”? Or do you feel that you can’t say “No” to others even if the request imposes on your own personal boundaries?
The list could go on for several pages but I think you get the idea, you can choose who you want to be and what you want to do without breaking any universal, moral or government laws. To be successful you must first step back and realise – No permission is required.
“Isn’t this approach selfish?” I am often asked by students and clients, my answer is definitely “no” but this issue is more eloquently answered by Marianne Williamson in her book ‘A Return to Love’:
“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you… your playing small does not serve the world… as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I was recently asked, “Shouldn’t we find out what others think first?” Whilst at Self Leadership International we teach the art of feedback, you must be careful – if you solicit opinions from the wrong people you’re likely to reach the wrong conclusions – remember that the personal computer didn’t research very well in the 1970s and Richard Branson was told that the airline business was saturated.
So my question to you in this blog is “What is it that you want to do but are not doing because you are waiting for permission?”
