Forty-five years ago, the author David Bourland, somewhat tongue in cheek, proposed the elimination of all forms of the verb “to be”. Bourland had studied under Alfred Korzybski who founded the philosophy of General Semantics and developed one of coaching’s slogans “The map is not the territory.”
Korzybski said that to think and function in the world, we rely on systems of abstract concepts, such as language and time. However, these concepts contain subconscious distortions and as a result, do not accurately reflect reality. “To be” therefore implies that something ‘is’.
When we recognise that the world isn’t exactly how we believe it should be, the resulting difference forms the basis of an emotion. Thoughts trigger emotions, and absolute, total thoughts trigger stressful emotions. So, can we truly ever find ‘Perfection’, ‘Certainty’ or ‘Truth’? Do we really know exactly what something ‘is’?
For example, take the phrase, “My brother is lazy.” It seems clear, factual and unambiguous, but it is actually an opinion, emotively laden and coming from a particular, distorted perspective.
By catching yourself talking in absolute, total terms and then modifying your language, you can begin to bring a different perspective to situations that give rise to emotions. Take the phrase “I am a failure”. It implies permanence, totality, hopelessness. Re-phrased as “I have failed at this particular task” makes it limited, temporary and something that can be learned from.
Expressing your thoughts without using ‘is’ can radically change your map and impact positively on your perception of a situation. Give it a try and notice the differences!
