MetaCo's Coaching Conversations

I’d like to make you aware of an award-winning short film called “Validation”.

The story focuses on a man whose job it is to validate parking stubs, but who also offers the shoppers a validation of who they are. The film is not only inspiring but it is also very effective in reminding us of how powerful the simple act of showing an appreciation and understanding of others can be on those around us. Very much along Avatar “I see you” lines.

True, the extent to which a person accepts or recognises that appreciation or praise is largely dependent on the frames / beliefs / values that they have in place around their self image. For some, receiving random compliments is not going to cut any ice, they will be discounted before they can even begin to be acknowledged. For others, it is important to be recognised by peers, friends and family for the value they bring to close relationships but not when validated by others whilst, for a few, the feelings and emotions that come with all interactions are important.

But, as you go about your daily life, how often do you put yourself in another’s shoes, attempting to understand their perception of the world around them and why they may feel the way they do, instead of judging based on how the situation makes you feel? Do you have a mindset that says too much praise leads to an inflated ego or drop in productivity?

On the contrary, it only serves to celebrate the attributes that are uniquely theirs, the things that others notice in them and that they are appreciated for what they contribute to the greater whole.

The greatest message of this film is that this person exists in all of us, that we all have the power to acknowledge others around us; to show others they’re not being overlooked, being judged or discounted. After all, for us to truly have meaningful and rich relationships, we need to recognise the importance of communicating the validation of who others are and how they feel.

So what are you going to do to make a total stranger smile?

Got your attention, didn’t I?

Now I don’t mean what you are thinking; I mean the ‘F’ word FAILURE. Leadership in the workplace has to recognize, embrace and accept failure. Sure, we all want things to go smoothly, but truth is they often don’t and thus it’s no wonder that people see failure as bad, as a dirty word.

What would it look like if, rather than labeling any task or action that didn’t turn out as originally planned as a “failure,” we saw each of them as learning opportunities…? What might we create? What opportunities might arise for us? What would change if we were able to step away from self-blame and move forward into celebration?

Leadership in the workplace starts with managers, leaders and business owners building a culture that allows for mistakes, and yes, even failures. These leaders understand that if there are no mistakes then people aren’t taking risks. And they recognize this creates an opportunity for learning, and that nothing new, creative, innovative or exciting happens without taking risks.

So go ahead, use the ‘F’ word. When you do, you’ll be in the select group of leaders who have created a culture that encourages creativity, innovation and celebration.

- Original blog post by the Incedo Group

As a very special kind of conversation, coaching goes beyond the polite conversation. It goes behind all of the polite interactions that only deal with the surface of a person’s life. With true coaching conversations, there is a feeling that you have a front-seat on reality. The conversation is real; it is authentic; it is getting to the heart of things. It is often emotional, personal, and in it two real people are meeting and encountering what is real at that moment for the client. When it happens, even as an observer, I am touched— and sometimes changed.

Unfortunately, the coaching profession is still in its infancy. There are individuals out there who consider themselves as a Coach because they have always been a good conversationalist with the gift of gab, they have the ability to keep a conversation going, they could talk to anyone about anything, at parties, pubs, social events, etc

As a result, their coaching conversations remain safe, predictable, polite, vague and ultimately superficial. It is lame, wimpy coaching that does not deserve the name.

A coaching conversation probes to find out the most significant thing that you ought to be presenting to your Coach, the thing that will unleash new potentials. Sometimes, it is the thing that you are avoiding, the thing that you most hope the coach doesn’t bring up.

Coaching is about getting to the client’s reality and that’s something that no coach knows anything about. Only the client knows their reality (and most often they do not know very much of it!) We are not the expert of the client! The client is their own expert. It is the job of the Coach to hold the space and to courageously evoke the exploration of the client’s truths.

That’s why we begin with the first question: “What do you want?” and that leads to the next set of questions: “What do you really want?” “And beyond that, what do you want?” “And what want have you not articulated?” “And what do you really, really want that you are not even yet allowing yourself to know?”

Pushing the client in this way demands courage and that’s why you have to be brave, very brave and courageous, to be a coach. After all, coaching is about provoking significant change, to get to the heart of things, to help the client unleash possibilities, and to release them from any and every thing that interferes with becoming fully alive, fully authentic.

That’s why the coaching conversation is more often than not a fierce conversation. It is fierce in that it is an intense, robust, and passionate conversation in which the client is invited to come out from behind him or herself and to become more real than he or she has ever been before. And that can be scary even for a psychologically healthy person. Scary because it means leveling with oneself, telling oneself the truth, and facing one’s truths.

If your coach doesn’t do that as well, come out from behind themselves, be real, present and authentic – then maybe it’s time to find a coach that does!

Co-authored Danny Tuckwood / L. Michael Hall

Discover the Potential

As the economic recovery starts to take shape, albeit hesitantly, thoughts start to move away from immediate crisis management and towards planning for the future. As part of this, business leaders and managers face a critical challenge in motivating and engaging with a workforce that is just at the point of breathing a collective sigh of relief that they still have jobs!

 One of the critical drivers for this will be the leadership shown by senior executives and, more importantly, the next generation of leaders who will shoulder the bulk of the responsibility for sustained future growth.

 Worldwide, research shows that organisations are not very effective in finding and developing leaders. Our experience, and that of many coaching companies, is that resources (time, money etc) are focussed more on the existing Exco members than the level below. These future leaders have already grown through the organisation, proved that they have the skills and talent to perform and yet they are often ill-equipped to take on the very different mantle of leadership.  (more…)

Posted by Andrew Bryant, CSP and Meta-Coach

Recently I presented a workshop on success principles and what was interesting was that many of the participants struggled with the concept that they did not need permission from anyone to feel good about themselves or to be successful. One lady that I coached in front of the group was struggling with receiving money for the services she offered even though ‘intellectually’ she recognised the value she offered but ‘emotionally’  she felt she did not have permission to be paid. (more…)

When management changes were announced at General Motors earlier this month, most people focused on the firing of CEO Fritz Henderson and his replacement by Chairman Ed Whitacre. The more significant moves, however, were those that took place afterwards when Whitacre promoted a number of younger managers (including two women) to key positions. Taken together, these shifts (with more to come) sent a strong message to everyone in GM that it was time for fundamentally new perspectives and faster decisions.

But why did it take a virtual purge for GM’s executives to realize that it was time for change? Wasn’t bankruptcy, a federal bailout, a near-death experience, and international embarrassment enough of a wake up call? Didn’t former CEO Henderson and his team understand the urgency for turning around GM? (more…)

Forty-five years ago, the author David Bourland, somewhat tongue in cheek, proposed the elimination of all forms of the verb “to be”. Bourland had studied under Alfred Korzybski who founded the philosophy of General Semantics and developed one of coaching’s slogans “The map is not the territory.”

Korzybski said that to think and function in the world, we rely on systems of abstract concepts, such as language and time. However, these concepts contain subconscious distortions and as a result, do not accurately reflect reality. “To be” therefore implies that something ‘is’.

When we recognise that the world isn’t exactly how we believe it should be, the resulting difference forms the basis of an emotion. Thoughts trigger emotions, and absolute, total thoughts trigger stressful emotions. So, can we truly ever find ‘Perfection’, ‘Certainty’ or ‘Truth’? Do we really know exactly what something ‘is’? (more…)

This is a shameless plug for someone whose work I think everyone needs to know about…

Nick Williams’s book – The Work You Were Born To Do – has made a big impression on my life… Every time I meet a challenge along the way, I still pick up that book, and I immediately find a quote or a passage which reminds me why I decided to start my own business and what following your heart is all about. (more…)

You have a great vision for 2010.

You carry the pictures, feelings and sounds of your dream within you.
You can feel the energy and adrenalin pumping through your veins as you visualise 2010.
You can communicate that vision with precision. Now it is time to manage the vision.

If you don’t manage your energy and priorities, taking action to the specifics of your vision, it will simply remain a dream, a wish. Your role as a manager is to plan, organise and control the process towards your vision. The old adage ‘A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step’ has never been more true. (more…)

This year I will … or this year I want to … or I plan to…. 

How often do you say and hear these words at the start of a new year ? Usually they relate to the parts of our lives which we have neglected or procrastinated around during the previous year. Next year I will start to exercise, or follow a healthy diet, or take up a hobby, or give more time for a relationship or read or study more. 

What is on your list for this year? (more…)